Where I lay my head- short fic

The Lamborghini didn't turn any heads as it headed down the vacant streets.  It was past midnight and there was no one in the condos near the refinery awake to see it pass.  During the day the sports car would have turned heads but not seemed unusual.  The juxtaposition of car companies, oil refineries, LAX and condos meant that one could expect any price range of car to come rolling through the beach cities at any given time.


The gate to the refinery seemed to pause a moment as if confused before it lifted and let the red Lamborghini through.  The car drove a few feet and came to a stop beside one of the trees that lined the drive.  Satisfied that there was no one looking and that the security cameras were not pointed at him, Sideswipe transformed and strolled over to one very perfect tree.  He casually leaned against the ten foot wall that bordered the refinery and asked the tree, “So, you come here often, Mirage?”


The tree shook for a moment, then faded away, replaced by an equally tall blue and white mech.  Mirage rubbed his head sheepishly, “How did you know it was me?”


Sideswipe shrugged, “Your trees are always too perfect.  S'like Hound said, 'Nature's got good intentions, but it's never perfect.'”


Mirage sighed, not entirely understanding, “I'll never get into the step of this place...  Everything is so... random.  Nothing is ever precise, or even remotely well thought out.  It's always a bit slap-dash and messy.”


The red mech laughed, “Now you sound like Hoist.”


Mirage grimaced.  Sideswipe was right, he did sound like the architect.  Primus forbid he turn into a perfectionist like Hoist, doomed to try and re-designing everything he came in contact with.  Hoist wasn't as bad as Red Alert in the personality glitch department, but he was a fanatic when it came to precision.  “I didn't mean mathematically...  Just... I don't know.” Mirage stared at the sparkling lights of the refinery.  During the day the place didn't look like much, with it's pipes and girders, but at night it was different.  At night the entire place was lit up with pale yellow lights peering through the smoke and steam.  It glittered.  There was always at least a skeleton crew going through the plant at night, with a few trains arriving with a payload of oil, but Mirage rarely saw them.  All he saw was Cybertron when he squinted at the entangled steel.  


Sideswipe didn't say anything for a second, concentrating on the lights instead.  After a moment he gave Mirage a look. “Prowl wanted to know where you were, he has a project for you.”


The autobot spy didn't answer.  He stared at the refinery with a  melancholy expression on his face-plate, eyes dimmed.  The sound of Sideswipe's impatiently tapping foot against the wall got his attention, if only slightly,  /Don't you ever get homesick?/


Sides flinched.  It had been a long time since he'd heard anyone actually speaking in Cybertronian.  It wasn't that they'd consciously stopped using it, their comms were more or less always in their own language- but that was different.  Hearing it come from someone else's vocal processor and not one of the multitude of languages native to earth seemed strange now.  To be understood by their human companions English was the most often used and eventually they'd started using it casually around the ark as well.  How long had it been since he'd even used it with his twin?  /What makes you ask that?/


/Does it not remind you of Cybertron?  All the lights, the overlaying of so many lines and structures?  It's so bright, you can't even see the stars here... just... light/ said Mirage wistfully.  It was true that the city, who's lights you could see in the distance, probably gave a better imitation of Cybertronian lights- but the view was always ruined by the human signage and the people  still hanging around the buildings after hours.  Plus you couldn't just stand around in robot form in the middle of the street and gawk even if you were invisible.  The best views were on the road, and invisible didn't mean intangible.


It conjured different memories for Sideswipe.   The red mech cycled air through his vents, tasting the twinge in the air around the refinery.  The place was as clean as the humans could make it, but compared with the desert air around the Ark, it felt sooty and oily.  He could see the grime caked in places, and the steam roiling off the top of the structure.   The Lamborghini leaned against the wall, resting his head on his forearms.   /It reminds me... of working in an Energon refinery.”


Mirage's head whipped around, yellow optics brightening in surprise, /You worked in a place like that?/


/Yeah, I did.  Or rather we did,/ Sides turned back to the view in front of him, remembering.  The smell had been awful, and the conditions worse than anything a well-to-do mech like Mirage could imagine.  Energon refineries were the nastiest and hardest places to work on Cybertron, only the lowest worked in them.  The death rate, either from accidents or the general conditions around the plants, was very high for workers.  The situation hadn't been entirely voluntary but it had been the only way for the twins to get enough energon to continue functioning.  Not many young mechs had the means to support themselves in the slums that made up Kaon.  You either fended for yourself or you were spare parts.  The strongest competed in the underground fighting arenas, but most didn't go straight from berth to arena, it was something you conditioned  yourself for.  The options for a young mech in Kaon were limited.  Sideswipe noticed that Mirage was waiting for an explanation from him.  He crossed his arms, /Mirage... I... don't really miss Cybertron that much-/


Mirage sputtered, /How can you say that?!  It's our home!  It's our planet!  It's everything we are.  How can you not miss the lights of Iacon, or the energon pools and the crystal city- I...  Every one of us, from the wealthiest counsel member to those of the lowest caste-/


Sideswipes eyes narrowed dangerously, /Do you even know what that means?  To be there in the lowest reaches of some place like Kaon?  Things we saw and did to survive-/ He stopped himself before he got truly angry at Mirage, rubbing his optics in frustration,  /Kaon has been a steaming pile of slag for as long as anyone can remember.  I lived there from the time I came on-line up until the war was in full swing.  I didn't know, beyond what I knew from images and collective memories, that the rest of Cybertron didn't always look like it had been blown to the pit and back.  All I ever saw were broken buildings and dead bots.  To me destruction and decay were just normal parts of life.  That's it.  It's not something you look back on with much nostalgia./


Mirage stared at him blankly, unsure of what to say.  He frowned and looked at the refineries lights a moment, then back again.  With absolute sorrow in his voice he stared at Sideswipe and said simply, /I'm so sorry, I didn't know./ The blue spy looked sheepish, /I apologize if I spoke out of turn.  I led a sheltered life before the war came.  To be honest... the culture of others is very foreign to me./


It dawned on Sideswipe that for all of Mirage's wealth and the privileged life he'd had back on Cybertron, Mirage was very naive and childish.  It put all of Mirage's actions and opinions in a new light.  Even though Mirage was the elder of the two, Sideswipe suddenly felt like he was vorns older than Mirage.   


Most of the crew of the Ark saw Sideswipe and his twin, Sunstreaker, as being a couple of immature goof-offs.  You could depend on them to have your back in a battle, but you could also depend on them to glue your fingers to your helm when you were in recharge.  They were seen as lazy joker and a sociopathic bully respectively.  But as Optimus had once pointed out once to an angry Prowl, if they were really like that at the core of their spark the insignia on their chassis wouldn't be Autobot.   In general the twins pranks were seen as harmless acts from young bots who didn't know any better.  On the other servo, Mirage's elitist attitude was considered part of his core programming.  Several of the autobots blatantly refused to trust him or like him because of what they saw as a superior attitude, while the twins for all their obnoxious qualities were generally well liked.  


Sideswipe filed all the insults and arguments he had built up for Mirage into the recesses of his cortex.  He wasn't angry at Mirage anymore, instead he just felt pity.  Pity for an Autobot that was just struggling to grow up in a war torn situation- just like he had.  /Huh... I didn't realize either.  Sorry I went off on you./


Mirage shrugged, /Sometimes I feel so apart from the other Autobots.  It isn't that I feel superior to them in any way, I just don't understand them,/ he shuffled his feet and leaned on the wall as well, shoulders sagging in mental defeat, /There are things they take for granted, like swearing, that I have trouble getting the hang of.  There were questions I would ask so I could better understand, but I don't think they would be well received./


In the dim light only Sideswipe's optics were visible over his arm, /So?  I'm here now.  Ask away./


Mirage frowned a second, thinking, /So... you never had a home?/


/If you mean a roof over our head that wasn't half blasted to slag, no, not really,/ Sideswipe rubbed the back of his neck self consciously.  He was about to say something obnoxiously sappy but none the less true, /Humans say home is where the heart is.  And for me, where ever Sunny is, that's home.  It's the same for him.  Earth is just a place, and so's Cybertron- I'm not real attached to either.  Sure, I spent a lot more time on Cybertron, but... in the end it's just a place.  We moved around so much in Kaon and with so little that I never really got attached to places or to the past./


Mirage looked at his companion intently, /I can't imagine a life like that.  I lived in the same place all my life till everything went to... to.../


/To slag?/ replied Sideswipe helpfully.


The blue mech smiled apologetically, /Yes, to slag.  And then some.  My home is gone, and I feel like I'll never be able to find another.  And.../ he continued very quietly, /I'm afraid to think of anywhere else as being home for fear it'll be lost too.  I feel adrift day to day./  


/Is that why you keep turning into the world's most symmetrical boxelder tree?  Trying to grow some roots?/


Mirage raised an eye-ridge, /How did you know I was a boxelder?/


/Hey, I'm assimilating more than just the entertainment culture of this planet,/ laughed the red mech.  /That was easy.  Ask me something hard./


/What if something happened to Sunny, what would home be then?/


Sideswipe was quiet for a long time, considering.  He ran his tongue against the plates that formed the roof of his mouth, unsure of what to say.  When he finally answered his voice was uncharacteristically quiet and sober, /When that day comes...  and I know it will...  I'll have to decide how to deal with it.  We've already outlived everyone we knew in Kaon and a heck of a lot of our fellow Autobots./


They both turned and stood in quiet, admiring the lights of the refinery.  After a few minutes the Lamborghini coughed to gain his companion's attention again, /And if you ever tell anyone I said all that I will A, deny it;  and B, shove your intakes full of plumber's epoxy./


Mirage laughed, switching back to English, “How're you going to do that if you can't find me?”


“Simple, I just look for symmetrical boxelders.”